I've made it 3 weeks. Very proud of myself. Tonight was weigh-in and group. I'm getting to where I like the group more. It's a hard adjustment for me because I don't like new things and I'm not too fond of meeting new people. But I am finding that I actually like these people. Who knew? I would like to say this past week was a breeze but it was not. There were a couple of days when I wanted to just say screw it and throw in the towel. But I didn't and I won't. Weekends really suck. How nice it would be to go out for a meal in a restaurant. I miss that. It's just a fun thing to do. I have been trying to find avenues of distraction. That's a chore in itself. When I paid for my product tonight she asked me what flavors I wanted. I hate all of them. They are just pure crap. But the smell is worse than the taste so I try not to get a whiff when I pour the powder into the shaker bottle. Hey, it's working and I can't fault something that works.
Weight Lost: 5.2
Total: 25.8
I know I've had this bitch before but can I ask again...What is with people who qualify for WIC? Granted, some people really do need it. But most of them...not so much. These people completely bring the lines at the grocery store to a screaming halt. We all stand there while the grumpy cashier rings up one jar of Gerbers at a time. Scan. Redeem. Scan. Redeem. It's a painfully slow process. How many jars of food and cans of formula can one kid eat? Geez. The topper that gets me is I go out to my car and watch as this WIC recipient has a forklift put all of the free groceries into the car. Oh wait, did I say car? No, I meant the Cadillac Escalade. Really? I work so this person can get free pureed peas and load them into her Escalade? God bless America.
My sister Judy called and said that Doris will probably pass away in the next few hours. Judy said she is not going home tonight but is going to sit at her bedside until she passes. I kind of felt the vibe that Judy wants me to go join her but I just don't want to do it. Doris and I have had our problems and issues along the way. She has made me spitting mad on several occasions. I have never been able to feel very close to her. But with all that said, I am very, very sad. No matter what the relationship has been, it is hard to watch someone lay there and die. I'm not used to experiencing the whole cycle of life. The woman who gave me life is now losing her life. How can that not affect me? Cheri my therapist and I talked extensively about this the other day and Cheri made me realize that the process of her death has softened my heart. I can't be angry at this woman. I am the result of her relationship with the love of her life. I think that's pretty great. How many people out there have missed out on being with the love of their life? She always has said that she sees him when she looks at me. I've seen pictures of him. I look just like him. We have the same blue eyes. She did what she felt she had to do. And I accept that and thank her for giving me life. And I just can't stand to be there as she loses hers. ♥
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