Cesar Chavez Day

Day 43

Pretty good day.  I am really tired of the shake flavors though.  I usually just go with chocolate because for me, they are the most palatable.  I may never drink another glass of chocolate milk for the rest of my life.  Got in my exercise today.  Was a good day for the gym because it was so hot today but I opted for Roxie and I to walk around Discovery Lake.  Some people have asked me a question but have been embarrassed about it...the whole scoop on poop.  I will just tell everyone and get it over with.  I don't know about other people but for me, I go about every third day while on Optifast.  And it's almost black.  The reason for that is all the minerals in the shakes.  We are supposed to be taking a lot of a fiber supplement i.e. Benefiber.  And that's it - nothing earth shattering or intriguing.  Boring actually!  Phew...or is that pew?  Topic closed!

Happy Cesar Chavez Day!  Not the most popular holiday in America.  It is strictly a State holiday in California.  I call it "Happy" because it was a paid holiday for me.  I look forward to every March 31st!
I slept in real late and my cell phone woke me up.  I was a little surprised it was so late.  Let's just say it was after 10.  But it felt good to sleep in.
VERY hot today.  In the high 80s.  Felt like Summer.  I know the majority of the population loved it.  Me, not so much.  My favorite temp is 67 degrees.  That's where I feel the most comfortable.
Visited my friend, Suzanne, in Carlsbad last night.  We had a good time chatting and catching up.  She has a dog that absolutely intrigued me.  I had never met one of this type of dog before so it was kind of a cool experience for me.  His name is Lucca and he is a Bouvier des flandres.  He is like a big, black soft teddy bear.  I absolutely adore him!  Here he is...

I am so bummed.  I was just going to watch the American Idol eliminations for tonight and went on to Yahoo to check my e-mail and there it was - the eliminated contestants - pictures and all.  Oh well.  Not sad about who went home.  My least favorite is Hailey.  I know she is a favorite but she makes my skin crawl.  And last night when she was singing Benny and the Jets I was screaming at her.  B-B-B Benny and the Jets. And flailing her arm around.  Painful for me!
Roxie and I went on a nice walk around Discovery Lake this evening.  It's always so pretty out there...
Signing off...♥

A favorite memory

Day 41

Did better than I thought I would!  Very happy with today's results.
Lost: 5.3
Total Lost: 39.3

Short and sweet today...This was the first house I owned.  And because I lived here, I was able to adopt my sweet Roxie dog!



60 Challenge Day #5
A picture of your favorite memory
Murrieta CA



Pics and other stuff

Day 40

Who knew?!  So I have made it 40 days.  Isn't it in the bible that Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights?  Well - I'm about to pass Him up!  Is that bad - am I allowed to say that?  Actually, to His credit, I don't think he was afforded the luxury of the Optifast 70 Shake or the Optifast Chicken Soup!  And luxury it is.  Not.  Today I had a vanilla shake and about 2/3rd of the way through I started to gag.  All I kept thinking was "do NOT throw this up because the smell will NOT go away"!  Nothing smells worse than the vanilla shake packet once you open it.  Watch out - it is toxic!  By the way, the gagging stopped and the shake went down the throat.
I didn't exercise today.  I hate it when I am not motivated.  Saturday I talked about strength and today I feel nothing but weakness.  I guess both of them are allowed.  Some days I just get so frustrated because I want food and I obsess over it.  Then I have to pull my coping techniques out of my food-thinking coma and snap out of it.  I'm not off food forever.  Food will always be there for me.  I just need to not always be there for food.  I keep craving turkey sandwiches.  I so hate turkey sandwiches.  Freak!

First off, I must make a correction.  On Saturday I mentioned my highly over-priced iced tea from Teavana.  $4.47.  Not true.  That was a typo.  The actual retail price without going over was $5.47!  And don't forget to have your pet spayed or neutered.  Oops - got off track there.  Thought I was a contestant on the Price is Right.  See what happens when you fast?!
Just found out I have Book Club on Sunday.  Yet again...right down to the wire and have not read the book.  I don't even have the darn book.  I tried to get it from the library but being it's a new book, they don't have many copies and all copies have holds on them.  So I bid on one on ebay.  I do not want to own a hard cover book but I do now.  As soon as it arrives, I plan to read it (quickly by the way) and then turn around and put it back on ebay.
My friend, Marianne, took a walk with her Dad today by their home in Greendale WI.  She sent me some pictures which I think are so cool.  You can tell they are still having Winter weather there while here we are anticipating 80 degrees later this week.  Marianne's favorite are the ducks in flight. Very cool.








And before I sign off, here is my 60 Challenge...




60 Challenge Day #4
"A picture of my night"

 ♥ jules

On spending money (that I don't have)

Day 38

In the middle of Week 6.  Hanging in there.  I managed to watch everyone at church tonight eat spaghetti with alfredo sauce, casear salad, and bread.  And of course brownies and cc cookies.  Oh, did I mention the hot chocolate with whipped cream?  Geez.  I feel as if I am making progress though because while it looked good, I was not tempted and it only made me feel stronger.  I like it when I feel strength.  Strength is not one of the qualities that I grew up experiencing so when I feel it at age 46, it makes me happy.

Today was a day of over-spending.  And I'm not very proud of it.  I went to the Apple store in the mall.  First off, that place overwhelms me.  There are too many customers and there are too many employees wearing blue shirts.  Freaks me out!  I ended up there because I have been looking for a docking station for my ipod.  I seem to have lost mine.  I have been unable to charge it and therefore, no music.  Not happy.  So I went the practical route...Target and Wal Mart.  They no longer sell what I need.  I guess that would be because my ipod shuffle is now an antique.  Everything is bigger and better.  Or so they say.  I am perfectly happy with my ipod.  It was a gift and I absolutely love it.  So I thought since I can't find a docking station I had better go to the Apple store.  $31.54 later I now own a new one.  But the price kind of gave me a stomach ache.  I HATED spending that much money, esp on something that I am replacing due to my own carelessness.  On the way home I all of a sudden thought "ebay".  Now why I didn't look there in the first place, I have no idea.  Needless to say, the over-priced docking station is going back to the Apple store tomorrow.  I found the exact same thing on ebay for $3.59, brand new, free shipping.  Why didn't I try that in the first place?!
Here's my second frivolous purchase.  I really like tea and there is a store in the mall called Teavana.  I have never been to Teavana and was excited to see what they have.  First off, I found a darling cast iron teapot that I knew I must have.  $139.00.  Never mind.  I sampled some teas and found them delicious so I decided to step up to the counter and order myself an iced tea.  When you are on Optifast, unsweetened tea is one of the things you can have.  And when you can have something other than a shake or water, you go for it.  So I was asked if I would like to order one of their specialty hot or iced teas.  I said I would like an iced tea.  She asked what I would like and I told her I had no idea but could she recommend something.  Mind you, they have 99 different teas.  She pulled these bins off the wall and had me smell the sour cherry something or another and some sort of hibiscus something or another.  She assured me it would be delicious.  I ordered it and sure enough, it was delicious.  Here is a pic of my platinum iced tea...

All $4.47 worth!  What?  I paid HOW much for some tainted water?!  After all this extravagance, the $9.00 bottle of OPI for Sephora nail polish in "Nonfat Soy Half Caff" (LOVE the name!) was way out of the question.  Maybe I can  have it the next time I go on some kind of silly shopping spree!

So I came home and savored every drop of my platinum tea.  Took some pictures of myself (don't ask).  Just the way I roll these days.  Oh, also bought Roxie a rawhide bone which the cat has taken over.  Figures.  As my friend Tigger says...ta ta for now! ♥

A trip to the mailbox

Roxie and I walked in the rain this afternoon.  That was kind of fun.  I thought so.  She wasn't all that thrilled. 

I got home and decided to check my mail.  I have an issue with mail.  It's quite simple actually.  I hate it.  Really hate it.  I only get my mail out of the box every 7 or so days.  I would go longer than that but I know that ticks off the postal people because if the box gets too full they have to take it back to the post office with them.  Wouldn't want to upset those people.  Those are the special people who deliver a continual flood of good news to everyone's home.
I hit the jackpot today.  2 State Farm insurance bills.  One for the Jetta and one for the Civic.  1 Welcome letter from Honda Finance Corp.  If I had balls I would say that they now own them for the next 5 years.  A bill from Kaiser saying I owe a bunch of money that I really don't.  Hundreds of dollars.  I have a co-pay for visits and prescriptions.  That's it.  They don't get it.  I can't deal with them so I have Luigi call and they say things like "Oh, are you a Kaiser member"?  Duh.  A letter from JP Morgan Chase saying they won't give me a car loan.  Who cares that I have all my money in their bank.  And poo on them because Honda wanted me and gave me 0.9%.  Take THAT, JP Morgan.  Notice how I said "all my money".  I think that might be a pretty bold statement.  Too bold actually!  And last but not least...the final sign that your brand new car is no longer brand new... I'm sad!

The license plates have arrived.  Oh and by the way...I already got my first dent.  Passenger side back door.  A dent the size of a big thumbprint.  Had to happen sooner or later.  But I was hoping for A LOT later!

Idol time.  And to all a good night. ♥

Day 35


5 weeks complete!


Weight Lost: 4 pounds
Total Lost (5 weeks): 34 pounds

I am exhausted tonight.  I will keep this short.  Had an ok day.  Got a bad headache this afternoon but Tylenol Rapid Release took care of that. 
Tonight was my Tuesday to dog sit Cassie (my dog sister).  She was behaved except for snapping at Zoe.  I don't like that but I do realize that there are times that I would like to snap at Zoe myself!  One thing I have to say about Cassie and my girl, Roxie, is that they are so good about asking to go out to pee.  Neither one of them would even think of peeing in the house.  Which brings me to what happened on Sunday.  A friend came over to my place for about an hour.  She brought her dog.  Cute dog, BUT...as they were leaving, she glances down at my carpet in the living room and said "oh, look what he did - sorry".  Her darn dog peed on my carpet.  What is wrong with people?  It's the owner's fault, not the dog.  That really gets me upset.  I know some people would say that dogs are just marking territory and all that.  It's BS.  I saw that dog go over to the door and I said to her "looks like he might need to go out".  She said "oh no, he is fine.  He is just checking everything out".  So whose fault is it?  Hers.  There is no excuse for your dog to be peeing in the house.  Anyone's house.  My dog just wouldn't.  She knows that is not tolerated.  Just a sore subject with me.  Can you tell?!
How is it that I am married to someone who loves those bizarre food shows?!  I can hear the TV in the other room and the guy on there (Andrew Zimmern) is raving about pig placenta puree!  I don't even know what to say.  Makes my most hated food sound delicious (lima beans). 
I think it's bedtime! ♥

60 Challenge Day #3 - A picture of the cast from your favorite television show
"Better With You"
(Debra Jo Rupp from That 70s Show is so funny!)

Just Another Manic Monday

Day 34

It might only be Day 34 but it feels like day 340!  I wish these shakes would start tasting better!  I was talking to my therapist today and she reminded me of what a big deal this is and how strong I have been.  And I am starting to apply mind over matter more and more.  I had a thought cross my mind this morning..."I can't do this - I want to quit".  But then I told myself that I needed to get through another hour, drink my next shake, and reassess the situation.  Sure enough after that hour, I no longer wanted to quit.  I'm not weak, I just had a weak thought and those are easy enough to overcome.  Tomorrow is weigh-in again and then I start Week #6.  Almost 1/3 of the way there!

Wow do I hate Mondays.  They tend to be long and dramatic.  I left work early to go see my therapist.  It sure is nice to get home by 4:15 in the afternoon.  This evening, however, was completely draining.  We went to see a couple of family members who are in a drug rehab hospital.  What a journey they have ahead of them.  I can't imagine being in that situation.  My weight loss journey is hard enough - I can't imagine being chemically dependant.  I want them to succeed and to get their lives back.  I need to make it a very serious matter of prayer.

Got home tonight from San Diego and another dumbass parked in my reserved spot.  I can't begin to count how many times I have lost my parking spot.  It really gets my blood boiling.  I always leave a note on the person's car.  I have yet to see a repeat offender.  Second time...they get towed.  But I haven't gotten to do that yet.  But when I do - by golly I think I will like it!

Another thing I came home to today is this little innocent feline...

Did this naughty little thing...

And THAT, my friends, was my day! ♥


60 Challenge Day #2 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with the longest.
Rhonda and Julie @ Starbucks - Summer 2010
We have been friends for 30 years!



Day 31 & Day 01

Day 31

Some days really suck.  I had a pretty good week but today I just wanted to eat.  Everything I saw looked good.  I was in the kitchen at work washing out my ever trusty shaker bottle and I was looking at food that people were eating for lunch.  Meatball sandwich...I don't like meatball sandwiches.  Minestrone soup...I don't like minestrone soup.  So on and so forth.  But let me tell you - I wanted a meatball sandwich AND a bowl of minestrone soup.  It's times like that where you know it's purely a mental thing.  You don't realize until you don't eat, how much food is a part of your life.  I have to admit though...I see people eating lean cuisines and all that garbage and I STILL cringe.  What a bunch of crap in a box!  Tonight was my friend, Elli's 30th birthday party.  I just couldn't go.  Elli is a great cook and I knew I couldn't deal with it.  So the best thing is to not subject myself.  I feel really bad but being around food and drink was more than I could handle tonight.  So I apologized to Elli and skipped the party.  She was sweet about it - I know she understands.  Not how I feel but she understood that I would suffer and told me there is always next year.  I did stop by before the party and dropped off her present and wished her happy birthday.  That ended up being nice in it's own way.  I spent about 45 minutes there.  Came home, had my shake, had half of my soup (so tired of the soup), did some stomach crunches, and here I am.  Made it through Day #31 - Courage and Strength beat out Want.

So I promised something new on the Blog.  I got this idea from one of my FB friends.  She posts almost every day on her FB page and it's fun.  So thought I would do it myself.  Here's my "project".  It's called a 60 Challenge...

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
Day 31 - A picture of a tradition you have.
Day 32 - A picture of a crazy night.
Day 33 - A picture of the house you grew up in.
Day 34 - A picture of your currently most played CD.
Day 35 - A picture of your favorite place to eat.
Day 36 - A picture of your ‘other half'.
Day 37 - A picture of the people you spend most of your time with.
Day 38 - A picture of the best part of your day.
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite movie.
Day 40 - A picture of your favorite Disney character.
Day 41 - A picture of your pet.
Day 42 - A picture of your dream house.
Day 43 - A picture of something you can’t function without.
Day 44 - A picture of someone you’re told you look like.
Day 45 - A picture of your room.
Day 46 - A picture of where you wish you were right now.
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite place to shop.
Day 48 - A picture of your favorite actress/actor.
Day 49 - A picture of where you live.
Day 50 - A picture of your most frequented place.
Day 51 - A picture of your dream car.
Day 52 - A picture of your favorite sport.
Day 53 - A picture of someone you think is hot.
Day 54 - A picture of the one thing you would bring if you were stranded on a deserted island.
Day 55 - A picture of the last movie you saw in theaters.
Day 56 - A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 57 - A picture of your favorite holiday.
Day 58 - A picture of your favorite animal.
Day 59 - A picture of a random item that you own.
Day 60 - A picture of something you’re excited about

DAY 01 - A picture of myself with 15 facts

1)  I am 46 years old

2)  I am adopted

3)  I love animals more than I love most people

4)  I love going to Aquariums

5)  I have never eaten a chili dog

6)  The smell of clam chowder makes me nauseous.  Very nauseous!

7)  I wave at dogs in cars

8)  I prefer a cloudy day over a sunny day

9)  I love watermelon

10)I am creeped out by the feel of chalk, powder, and rubber balls (i.e. a basketball)

11)RC Cola is my all-time favorite drink (although I haven't had one in a very long time)

12)I love waterlearned to swim when I was a baby

13)My biggest fear is opening up a Pillsbury dough can

14)I am very, very sensitive

15)My ultimate goal in life is to be in Heaven

♥

What Happened to the Eval?

Day 28

4 weeks done.  I'm feeling pretty good.  I have made exercise more of a priority.  I'm a big fan of Discovery Lake because it's so pretty and best of all, it's flat!  I haven't attempted hills yet.  I know I'm not ready for that.  I think the best part of the week was the pants I had on yesterday.  They were way too big.  Holy crap!  I am making a pile of "too big" clothes.  It's not a mountain of clothes yet but just a couple of things.  However, I hope someday soon it will be a mini mountain!  Here's a one-question multiple choice quiz:  Who said this? "You lost 4.2 pounds this week?  That is great!  I think if you would increase your exercise you will lose more next week."  Choose A) Best Friend B) Husband or C)Mother.  Really?  Nothing like being praised but then being told in a round about way that you could really do better.  I took a deep breath and said to myself "issue to discuss with my therapist next Monday.  Check."

Weight Lost: 4.2 pounds
Total Lost (4 weeks): 30.0 pounds
Answer to Multiple Choice: C

♥ HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND, ELLI! ♥

I hate this time change.  I'm ok with it in the Summer but it's still Winter and it just feels wrong. And I get into bed and I can't sleep.  And then in the morning the alarm goes off and it's dark outside and I feel like death warmed over.  Very hard adjustment for me.
I have been missing my Large Nonfat European Mocha Lite Whip from Ryan Bros.  They're the best.  They put Starbucks to shame.  I think tomorrow I will stop by there and get a black coffee just so I can stop by and say hi and pick up some dog cookies for Rox.  Any place that puts a big bowl of water and a big treat jar outside for our fur friends gets an A++ from me!  And yes, I am saving quite a bit of $ by drinking just a cup of black coffee now and then.  It's funny because when you don't eat or drink anything from a restaurant or store, you spend ZERO money.  I just don't need it for anything.  It's like a built-in savings account.
Got my 2010/2011 evaluation from work.  My boss rocks.  She gave me an "Above Standard" rating.  Actually, I rock!  The boss didn't do my job...I did my job!  Anyway, I can't get a big head and slough off so I will aim to get an X in at least one "Excellence" box next year.  Those are hard to get (I think?).  I've never had one so I'm guessing they don't come easy.  It's the County.  They don't want anyone to think they are all that.  Besides, we don't get paid to be all that.  Every year when I get my eval I think back to the last year that I worked for the Superior Court.  I had that awful Martha Baker as my Supervisor.  She was as mean as hell.  I think she was what they call a Devil's Advocate.  I was finally going to make my escape from her clutches because I got a new job at the DA's office.  So she gave me my last eval.  It wasn't very pretty.  And I still remember her parting words..."YOU MUST BE SURE AND SIGN THIS AND LEAVE IT FOR ME BEFORE YOU EXIT THIS OFFICE".  Yeah, ok Martha Baker.  The last I remember about that eval is that it was being passed around from co-worker to co-worker at the bar @ Acapulco Restaurant during Happy Hour.  It was providing great entertainment to all who read.  We laughed and laughed some more and then we all made ugly Martha Baker faces and then...that night I was home watching TV and all of a sudden I remembered...THE EVAL!  What the heck happened to the eval?  It's final resting spot was Acapulco Restaurant.  I can only guess that possibly it was used for the good of the people?  To cover a cough or a sneeze?  To replace the non-existent toilet paper in the restroom?  Kindling for the outdoor firepit?  Or maybe just a handy dandy spilled Margarita wiper-upper?  Every time I eat at Acapulco I glance toward the bar...and smile! ♥

P.S.  New fun thing starting on my next Blog!

Garage too Small or Car too Big?

Day 26

I'm still fasting!  Yay for me!  I made it through another weekend.  This really is getting easier.  Not saying it's easy but easier.  I make little goals for myself and am really thrilled when I reach them.  I gave up on the idea of never using my scale at home.  I don't use it every day but I do use it.  My scale seems to be about 4 pounds less than Kaiser's scale.  Not nice.  However, I hit a goal today on my scale that I have been aiming for.  I was so proud and had no one to tell.  So I told the dog.  She was ecstatic.  Sure.  I have amp'd up my exercise which is actually giving me more energy.  I have been to the gym and am also doing more walking and throwing little stints of jogging in there.  I used to run, believe it or not.  In my younger years I would run about 6 days a week.  I loved it.  No more running for me...slow jogging will have to do.  2 more days until group and weigh-in.  This week flew by.  Very happy today that I made the decision to do this and am sticking to it.

My 3 day weekend is over.  Back to work tomorrow.  The one thing I like about work is that it's often quite comical.  Just watching attorneys in action is entertaining.  They create a lot of drama and it's downright funny!
I was off on bereavement leave Friday.  I think that was a good choice because I was absolutely exhausted.  I slept a good part of the day.  Everyone has been so nice with regard to Doris passing away.  I appreciate that people understand that while she was not "mom" it still affected me.  More so than I thought it would.  I was talking to my sister tonight about a hospice bear.  At Sharp Hospice there is someone who makes stuffed teddy bears out of the material from a favorite article of clothing that the deceased person owned.  They are kind of pricey but I'm sure the $ is for a good cause.  My sister told me tonight that she is having the bear made out of a night shirt that I had given Doris many years ago.  It was a cotton nightshirt that had angels on it.  Doris collected angels.  I had forgotten I had given that to her.  She was hard to buy for but I do remember now shopping at Nordstrom and seeing this angel nightshirt.  What I didn't know is that it was one of Doris' favorite things.  So that will be the material for the bear.  That makes me smile!
Love my new car but with the price of gas, I don't drive it very much.  I tried to clear the garage out so I can park the car in there.  I worked so hard and my back is killing me tonight.  I got done and was so proud.  Drove the car in there and voila...I couldn't get out of the car!  It was so tight that I couldn't even crack a door open.  I was SO bummed after all that work.  Funny thing was that Roxie was in my bedroom watching out the window the whole time I was in the garage.  I would often walk out of the garage and look around the corner to wave at her.  So when I was ready to introduce the car to the garage I waved at Roxie and told her..."Mama is putting our new car in the garage - watch me!"  Next thing Roxie watched me do is pull the car back into the parking spot.  I swear she was laughing hysterically.  I distinctly heard her say "Loser Mama"! ♥

Got Undies?

Day 22

I feel like crap today.  I guess I am entitled to those days once in a while.  I hate shakes.  I hate fat.  Although I really have nothing to complain about.  I'm losing weight and am more active.  As hard as it was, I took Roxie for a nice walk.  I was happy this morning...walked into the kitchen at work and a group was having a breakfast party.  Fresh fruit, quiche, and other things.  I looked at all of it and it didn't even bother me.  So somewhere in this body there is progress!

Ash Wednesday...I'm not Catholic and I have never really learned the meaning of the ash on the forehead, etc. I should probably read up on it to be more informed.  But what strikes me as funny is that some of the people who were out last night and drunk off their asses celebrating Fat Tuesday (and of course the "flashing for beads") are the same people who were in church today being holy.  I know a lot of people will fault me for my way of thinking but that's what the Blog is for...it's my opinion.  Take it or leave it.  I will never forget the day many, many years ago that a friend walked in and I looked at her and said "Holy crap what happened to your forehead?  Did you fall down?"  And THAT is how I learned about Ash Wednesday!  Oops.

Doris passed away today shortly after 11:30am.  I cried when Judy called.  It was a sad moment for me.  I remember not too long ago when I said I wouldn't care at all if and when she died.  I was wrong.  I'm not that hard of a person.  I came to my own resolve and understanding the past 3 weeks that she has been so ill.  We talked and while our conversation wasn't at length, we made peace in our own way.  And this past Saturday is when everything truly changed for me.  I saw her in a different light and while I won't go into detail, all is well.  I wish I had a picture to post.  I will do that another day.  I think she had a hard life and I think she was very, very tired.  She is finally at rest.

And on a lighter note...here's a typical Julie story.  Mom/Dad called and were taking the dogs out for a walk.  They asked if I wanted to go.  I did not want to go.  No way, no how.  But I did.  Roxie was not up for a walk and I pretty much had to drag her.  We got up a hill and at the top of that hill is a soccer field.  So I told Roxie we needed to run from one end to the other.  She was not thrilled at all but was willing to try.  So we start our little jaunt.  I maybe got 30 feet and felt my pants falling down.  They have gotten loose since the diet.  In a split second they were down around my ankles.  How do these things happen to me?!  Luckily I had a long shirt on which kind of but not really covered me.  But I had to bend over to pull them back up.  Mom is laughing hysterically.  She's got tears coming out of her eyes.  But the funniest part of all is she said "YOUNG LADY WHERE ARE YOUR UNDERPANTS"?  Then it was my turn to laugh!  I told her I wasn't wearing any.  Her moment of laughter was immediately over!  She looked at me with complete horror in her eyes and said "YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER GO WITHOUT WEARING UNDERPANTS.  DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?  THAT IS JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE"!  She about had a stroke right there on the soccer field!  I explained to her that yes, I do wear UNDERPANTS.  I told her I was wearing my yoga pants and did not feel the need for UNDERPANTS for that 1/2 hour walk!  She was spittin' mad!  I know exactly what she was saying to herself..."where did I go wrong with that child - I am a failure as a parent - she has absolutely no morals or values - she needs prayer"!  Yeah well, we could all use some prayer.  Poor Dad...he is probably at home having to listen to her rant and rave about my sin!  And with that...I am signing off.  Time for American Idol.  I wonder if JLo is wearing UNDERPANTS tonight???? Hmmmm...  What a floozy if she isn't! ♥

Jars of Gerber

Day 21


I've made it 3 weeks.  Very proud of myself.  Tonight was weigh-in and group.  I'm getting to where I like the group more.  It's a hard adjustment for me because I don't like new things and I'm not too fond of meeting new people.  But I am finding that I actually like these people.  Who knew?  I would like to say this past week was a breeze but it was not.  There were a couple of days when I wanted to just say screw it and throw in the towel.  But I didn't and I won't.  Weekends really suck.  How nice it would be to go out for a meal in a restaurant.  I miss that.  It's just a fun thing to do.  I have been trying to find avenues of distraction.  That's a chore in itself.  When I paid for my product tonight she asked me what flavors I wanted.  I hate all of them.  They are just pure crap.  But the smell is worse than the taste so I try not to get a whiff when I pour the powder into the shaker bottle.  Hey, it's working and I can't fault something that works.
Weight Lost: 5.2
Total: 25.8

I know I've had this bitch before but can I ask again...What is with people who qualify for WIC?  Granted, some people really do need it.  But most of them...not so much.  These people completely bring the lines at the grocery store to a screaming halt.  We all stand there while the grumpy cashier rings up one jar of Gerbers at a time.  Scan.  Redeem.  Scan.  Redeem.  It's a painfully slow process.  How many jars of food and cans of formula can one kid eat?  Geez.  The topper that gets me is I go out to my car and watch as this WIC recipient has a forklift put all of the free groceries into the car.  Oh wait, did I say car?  No, I meant the Cadillac Escalade.  Really?  I work so this person can get free pureed peas and load them into her Escalade?  God bless America.

My sister Judy called and said that Doris will probably pass away in the next few hours.  Judy said she is not going home tonight but is going to sit at her bedside until she passes.  I kind of felt the vibe that Judy wants me to go join her but I just don't want to do it.  Doris and I have had our problems and issues along the way.  She has made me spitting mad on several occasions.  I have never been able to feel very close to her.  But with all that said, I am very, very sad.  No matter what the relationship has been, it is hard to watch someone lay there and die.  I'm not used to experiencing the whole cycle of life.  The woman who gave me life is now losing her life.  How can that not affect me?  Cheri my therapist and I talked extensively about this the other day and Cheri made me realize that the process of her death has softened my heart.  I can't be angry at this woman.  I am the result of her relationship with the love of her life.  I think that's pretty great.  How many people out there have missed out on being with the love of their life?  She always has said that she sees him when she looks at me.  I've seen pictures of him.  I look just like him.  We have the same blue eyes.  She did what she felt she had to do.  And I accept that and thank her for giving me life.  And I just can't stand to be there as she loses hers. ♥



Me 'n my Honda

Day 18

Very ugly Optifast day.  I want some real food tonight.  It's almost overwhelming to me.  I am craving salad!  Funny that it's harder today because this week overall was a little bit easier.  And I really like that my clothes are already fitting better.  Definite motivator.  The best thing to do on days like this is to suck it up and hope that bedtime gets here real soon!  Meanwhile...I will keep on keeping on.

Today seemed like a very, very long day.  First off, I didn't get much sleep last night.  The guys upstairs had a party which started at 9:30.  By 11:30 it had gotten so loud that the windows were vibrating.  However, I was not going to call the police this time.  I should have but I didn't.  By 2:30 this morning the noise had moved down the hall on top of the bedroom.  When it wakes Luigi up you know it's LOUD because he usually sleeps through the chaos.  All of a sudden one of the guys was screaming at the top of his lungs - he was out of control.  F this.  F that.  Get the F out.  Leave me the F alone. On and on and on.  Luigi got dressed and went upstairs and knocked on their door.  This caused a lot of girls to exit quickly.  Luigi said the living room was still full of people.  He told the guy who answered the door to get Dana (home owner) but Dana never came to the door.  Then it was time to call the sheriff.  The sheriff came and I guess because of the level of noise coming out of the house he decided to wait until his partner got here.  In the end it was 4 sheriffs and 1 arrest.  Funny how the click of those handcuffs can calm a person down.  The yelling stopped.  I'm not sure what was going on up there.  They took the one guy away to jail.  The rest of them stayed up all night (cleaning, perhaps?) but at least the yelling and music stopped.  Next step is to file a complaint with the homeowner's association and management company.  I have been tolerant and patient long enough.  Last night they stepped over the line and I am pissed off!

One year ago today I lost my gentle soul...my kitty, Emily.  Hardly a day goes by that I don't cry.  I miss that girl so much.  We spent almost 17 years together.  She was the kindest and most gentle cat and  I loved her so very much.  Here's my precious kitty girl...

Emily Dumbeck-Guadagni
April 23, 1993 - March 5, 2010

And amidst sadness there is always something good.  I have a brand new car!  I am so excited to finally have my own car again.  I have really appreciated everyone who has helped me out over the past couple of years.  It's been a real blessing to me.  But now I'm on my own!  And if anyone ever needs a ride...I will be there!  I got an incredible deal at Pacific Honda in San Diego.  I never in my life thought I would own a Honda.  I know they are good cars but I have never had interest in owning one.  However, I believe that God led me to get a Honda.  And at 0.9% financing, who am I to argue?!  Happy trails to me...♥

Me and my Honda Civic
03/05/11

Day 15

Day 15


I'm on Week 3.  Somehow.  Put myself in a situation tonight that was very uncomfortable.  I went to Vons.  Big mistake.  That store smells so darn good.  I was in Stater Bros last week but that was no big deal.  Our local Staters smells kind of gross.  It's an old store with zero redeeming qualities.  So I can go in there and feel pretty safe.  Vons on the other hand...I forgot how inviting it is when you are hungry.  You walk in and immediately smell the deli and then the bakery.  And you smell it throughout the whole store.  And for some reason, the food on the shelves looks particularly inviting.  All of a sudden I realized I wanted one of everything.  So I grabbed the non-food items that I needed and got the heck out as soon as I could.  I can't see going back there for a long time.  Luigi's store is the same way.  Henry's always smells really yummy.  Went to group last night and 2 people admitted cheating.  As for me...

Weight Lost 5.2
Total 20.6