Friday, February 18, 2011

Today's Opti Update

Day 3

I had a fairly good day until tonight.  Woke up and felt healthier actually.  My pants fit better today.  I had good energy today.  Went to the parent's house to eat tonight.  Luigi ate and I had a shake.  I just knew I could handle it.  I was right, but not to the extent I thought.  It was hard.  And mom had a loaf of my favorite healthy bread sitting on her kitchen counter.  Sprouted flourless wheat.  I love that as toast.  That was the most tempting of all.  It was strange watching people eat a meal.  It almost felt like I was watching a family eat on TV.  I got home tonight and had a "meltdown" of minor proportions.  I find that the strongest emotion that I deal with is anger.  I have a lot of built up anger.  I didn't realize how much until I started this.  I am angry that I have to do this.  I can blame my weight gain on a whole bunch of things - many valid reasons.  But the bottom line is that I did this and I have to fix it.  I don't want my knees to hurt anymore.  I don't want my back to ache.  I don't want to be gasping after a flight of stairs.  I want to take a long walk, a hike, or maybe even a run.  I have a healthy heart and it's my responsibility to take care of it.  So after my meltdown I picked myself up, had my last shake of the day, and calmed myself down.  Another day - success.

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