A Hard Day

Day 5

They say it takes at least a week.  I sure hope they mean it.  What if I feel this way for 20 solid weeks?  It changes hour by hour.  One hour I feel doomed and the next I feel strong.  I have had the worst time this evening.  Judy (sister) and Luigi were talking In-N-Out Burgers tonight.  And White Castle.  And philly cheesesteaks.  I couldn't even join in the conversation because all I could think was that I really wanted one of whatever.  I still feel as hungry as I did on Day 1.  This overweight thing really does suck.  I'm told that seeing progress motivates and makes you feel better.  Today I went down 1 size in jeans.  After only 4 days!  I haven't worn those jeans in over a year.  That felt good and that helped.  But it didn't take away the hunger.  Constant rumbly in my tumbly as Pooh Bear would say.  I found weekends are harder than weekdays.  Being at work really helps.  No cheating.  No failing.  I am not quitting.  And I have had Blog readers leave me some great comments of encouragement.  I appreciate all of you - you probably don't realize how much it does help.  So thank you!

What a day.  I got to sleep in this morning which was wonderful.  That was the bright spot in the day.  My sister Judy had called me yesterday afternoon and left me a message.  I didn't even bother to listen to the message until this morning.  She told me that Doris (our mother) is on hospice and has very little time left.  I didn't know because when I talked to Judy 8 days ago everything was ok.  Doris is my birth mother.  We have had a somewhat strained relationship for about 11 years.  It's hard to explain in a couple of sentences of what has transpired during the 11 years.  Anyway, Judy wanted me to have the opportunity to visit Doris and say good bye.  I went to their house this evening and did just that.  Judy had said that it would be doubtful that Doris would know me.  However, she absolutely did know me.  I walked in and said "hi mom".  She opened her eyes and looked my way.  She is on oxygen so it's very hard for her to even say a whole sentence.  So I did most of the talking.  She did tell me that we got off to a rough start but that she loves me.  We also talked about Bob (birth father) and how I have his eyes.  I didn't know really what to say to her.  I talked weather, my dog, my diet, and my job.  We spent about 45 minutes together.  She had taken a dose of morphine and was getting heavy eyes.   I told her she should sleep.  I took one last look at her and walked away.  I got tears in my eyes.  I'm not sure what those tears were for.  Probably a lot of different things.  It's been a tough day.  Doris, may you rest in peace. ♥