Day 77 - I have moments that really scare me. I am getting to the point in my weight loss when people are starting to actually notice. And while the kudos feel good, they bring with them a harsh reality. All of these people who say I am amazing and awesome and all those great things...what would happen IF I were to gain all the weight back? What would all those people think of me then? That I am weak? Lazy? That I don't care? All of these thoughts keep rushing through my head. I know one thing - it keeps me going. And makes me think real hard about the future. I don't have very good self-esteem in the first place. What would that do to me? I don't want to know. I don't believe that a person should be judged at all by weight but we live in a world where undoubtedly, we are. And fat people can say all they want about not caring what people think and all that. But really...99% of people really do care what others think and say. It shouldn't matter, but we all know it does. I am NOT doing this for people to say I'm beautiful or pretty but I do realize that when people say that, it feels nice. One of the most hurtful and hardest things to hear when you are an overweight person..."you would really be pretty if you could lose some weight". Geez, many overweight people are pretty or handsome or whatever else. But there again, you are judged by eyes that only know what they have been fed. Thin is in. The models on the magazines are the pretty people. We are competing with a tough crowd! I had a Psychiatrist who once told me that I could be very pretty if only I would lose some weight. And that's a "professional". A professional bitch, but nonetheless, professional! I don't have a point to all of this - just some thoughts. I will never be on the cover of a magazine. I will never be a size 2. And that's ok. But I also don't want people to look at me and think I am lazy or just don't care about myself. So for that reason...I will keep caring and keep up the hard work. But that's not the most important reason. The best reason for the determination is that it makes me feel a whole lot better - healthier. And that is where those words, amazing and awesome, come into play. It's more a feeling as opposed to a "look". And with that being said...I lost 6 pounds this past week and have lost 59.2 pounds total! Who woulda thunk it?!
Last night I went to a pretty awesome program. It was called The Bond. That is the name of the newly released book that the President of the Humane Society wrote. It is all about the bond that we experience with animals and the strides that have been made by the HSUS to help animals and to raise awareness in people. The small things that we can all do without feeling like we are hugging trees or whatever else the "weird" people do! Here are just a couple of things...please try to buy eggs that are from cage-free chickens. That's easy to do. It's printed on the cartons. Cage-free chickens are healthier and happier animals. This makes for better eggs for us. They don't cost all that much more. Recently, Walmart has pledged that they will now only sell eggs from cage-free. And Subway will soon only be serving eggs from cage-free. Huge! Remember to purchase tuna and other products that are labeled dolphin safe. That merely means that the dolphins aren't harmed while tuna fishing. What did a dolphin ever do to any of us to merit being tortured? It's the little things that matter. I'm not a left-winged bleeding liberal vegetarian but I do care about animals and I do believe that they all need to be treated with respect and treated humanely no matter what. I realize that not all people love pets the way I do. My dog is treated no less than I would treat a human being. She gives me unconditional love and trusts me to always care for her and to love her. And she asks for nothing more than a hug or a walk or a fresh bowl of water or a rub on the belly. I find animals to be such a blessing and a joy. My life is better because of them!
On the subject of loving animals...what about Zoe? Oh my goodness she is a crazy kitten! She has always been quite the banker with coins. Saves them, hides them, and probably swallows them too. But her latest is definitely a favorite. She puts coins in the bed so when we sleep at night, we end up getting money embedded in our skin. It's really quite a new concept with regard to a savings account! Really though there is nothing like digging a dime out of the back of your thigh! She keeps life fun for sure.
60 Challenge...
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60 Challenge Day #16
"A picture of someone who inspires you"
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I owe a lot of my love of cooking to Bobby Flay. I used to watch this guy on the Food Network before the Food Network was the phenomenon it is now. They used to have a show called Chef Du Jour and every now and again, Bobby Flay would stand there in that tiny TV kitchen and make the most delicious looking meals! Back in the early 90s it was incredible to me that I found I could actually make green salsa in my blender! I learned so much from him back in the day. Of course now he is a huge star with restaurants and fame and the ego to go with it. But when you break through the hype, you find a guy who is a darn good cook and makes awesome food. So yeah, he inspires me.
♥
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