Day 22
I feel like crap today. I guess I am entitled to those days once in a while. I hate shakes. I hate fat. Although I really have nothing to complain about. I'm losing weight and am more active. As hard as it was, I took Roxie for a nice walk. I was happy this morning...walked into the kitchen at work and a group was having a breakfast party. Fresh fruit, quiche, and other things. I looked at all of it and it didn't even bother me. So somewhere in this body there is progress!
Ash Wednesday...I'm not Catholic and I have never really learned the meaning of the ash on the forehead, etc. I should probably read up on it to be more informed. But what strikes me as funny is that some of the people who were out last night and drunk off their asses celebrating Fat Tuesday (and of course the "flashing for beads") are the same people who were in church today being holy. I know a lot of people will fault me for my way of thinking but that's what the Blog is for...it's my opinion. Take it or leave it. I will never forget the day many, many years ago that a friend walked in and I looked at her and said "Holy crap what happened to your forehead? Did you fall down?" And THAT is how I learned about Ash Wednesday! Oops.
Doris passed away today shortly after 11:30am. I cried when Judy called. It was a sad moment for me. I remember not too long ago when I said I wouldn't care at all if and when she died. I was wrong. I'm not that hard of a person. I came to my own resolve and understanding the past 3 weeks that she has been so ill. We talked and while our conversation wasn't at length, we made peace in our own way. And this past Saturday is when everything truly changed for me. I saw her in a different light and while I won't go into detail, all is well. I wish I had a picture to post. I will do that another day. I think she had a hard life and I think she was very, very tired. She is finally at rest.
And on a lighter note...here's a typical Julie story. Mom/Dad called and were taking the dogs out for a walk. They asked if I wanted to go. I did not want to go. No way, no how. But I did. Roxie was not up for a walk and I pretty much had to drag her. We got up a hill and at the top of that hill is a soccer field. So I told Roxie we needed to run from one end to the other. She was not thrilled at all but was willing to try. So we start our little jaunt. I maybe got 30 feet and felt my pants falling down. They have gotten loose since the diet. In a split second they were down around my ankles. How do these things happen to me?! Luckily I had a long shirt on which kind of but not really covered me. But I had to bend over to pull them back up. Mom is laughing hysterically. She's got tears coming out of her eyes. But the funniest part of all is she said "YOUNG LADY WHERE ARE YOUR UNDERPANTS"? Then it was my turn to laugh! I told her I wasn't wearing any. Her moment of laughter was immediately over! She looked at me with complete horror in her eyes and said "YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER GO WITHOUT WEARING UNDERPANTS. DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT? THAT IS JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE"! She about had a stroke right there on the soccer field! I explained to her that yes, I do wear UNDERPANTS. I told her I was wearing my yoga pants and did not feel the need for UNDERPANTS for that 1/2 hour walk! She was spittin' mad! I know exactly what she was saying to herself..."where did I go wrong with that child - I am a failure as a parent - she has absolutely no morals or values - she needs prayer"! Yeah well, we could all use some prayer. Poor Dad...he is probably at home having to listen to her rant and rave about my sin! And with that...I am signing off. Time for American Idol. I wonder if JLo is wearing UNDERPANTS tonight???? Hmmmm... What a floozy if she isn't! ♥
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Jars of Gerber
Day 21
I've made it 3 weeks. Very proud of myself. Tonight was weigh-in and group. I'm getting to where I like the group more. It's a hard adjustment for me because I don't like new things and I'm not too fond of meeting new people. But I am finding that I actually like these people. Who knew? I would like to say this past week was a breeze but it was not. There were a couple of days when I wanted to just say screw it and throw in the towel. But I didn't and I won't. Weekends really suck. How nice it would be to go out for a meal in a restaurant. I miss that. It's just a fun thing to do. I have been trying to find avenues of distraction. That's a chore in itself. When I paid for my product tonight she asked me what flavors I wanted. I hate all of them. They are just pure crap. But the smell is worse than the taste so I try not to get a whiff when I pour the powder into the shaker bottle. Hey, it's working and I can't fault something that works.
Weight Lost: 5.2
Total: 25.8
I know I've had this bitch before but can I ask again...What is with people who qualify for WIC? Granted, some people really do need it. But most of them...not so much. These people completely bring the lines at the grocery store to a screaming halt. We all stand there while the grumpy cashier rings up one jar of Gerbers at a time. Scan. Redeem. Scan. Redeem. It's a painfully slow process. How many jars of food and cans of formula can one kid eat? Geez. The topper that gets me is I go out to my car and watch as this WIC recipient has a forklift put all of the free groceries into the car. Oh wait, did I say car? No, I meant the Cadillac Escalade. Really? I work so this person can get free pureed peas and load them into her Escalade? God bless America.
My sister Judy called and said that Doris will probably pass away in the next few hours. Judy said she is not going home tonight but is going to sit at her bedside until she passes. I kind of felt the vibe that Judy wants me to go join her but I just don't want to do it. Doris and I have had our problems and issues along the way. She has made me spitting mad on several occasions. I have never been able to feel very close to her. But with all that said, I am very, very sad. No matter what the relationship has been, it is hard to watch someone lay there and die. I'm not used to experiencing the whole cycle of life. The woman who gave me life is now losing her life. How can that not affect me? Cheri my therapist and I talked extensively about this the other day and Cheri made me realize that the process of her death has softened my heart. I can't be angry at this woman. I am the result of her relationship with the love of her life. I think that's pretty great. How many people out there have missed out on being with the love of their life? She always has said that she sees him when she looks at me. I've seen pictures of him. I look just like him. We have the same blue eyes. She did what she felt she had to do. And I accept that and thank her for giving me life. And I just can't stand to be there as she loses hers. ♥
I've made it 3 weeks. Very proud of myself. Tonight was weigh-in and group. I'm getting to where I like the group more. It's a hard adjustment for me because I don't like new things and I'm not too fond of meeting new people. But I am finding that I actually like these people. Who knew? I would like to say this past week was a breeze but it was not. There were a couple of days when I wanted to just say screw it and throw in the towel. But I didn't and I won't. Weekends really suck. How nice it would be to go out for a meal in a restaurant. I miss that. It's just a fun thing to do. I have been trying to find avenues of distraction. That's a chore in itself. When I paid for my product tonight she asked me what flavors I wanted. I hate all of them. They are just pure crap. But the smell is worse than the taste so I try not to get a whiff when I pour the powder into the shaker bottle. Hey, it's working and I can't fault something that works.
Weight Lost: 5.2
Total: 25.8
I know I've had this bitch before but can I ask again...What is with people who qualify for WIC? Granted, some people really do need it. But most of them...not so much. These people completely bring the lines at the grocery store to a screaming halt. We all stand there while the grumpy cashier rings up one jar of Gerbers at a time. Scan. Redeem. Scan. Redeem. It's a painfully slow process. How many jars of food and cans of formula can one kid eat? Geez. The topper that gets me is I go out to my car and watch as this WIC recipient has a forklift put all of the free groceries into the car. Oh wait, did I say car? No, I meant the Cadillac Escalade. Really? I work so this person can get free pureed peas and load them into her Escalade? God bless America.
My sister Judy called and said that Doris will probably pass away in the next few hours. Judy said she is not going home tonight but is going to sit at her bedside until she passes. I kind of felt the vibe that Judy wants me to go join her but I just don't want to do it. Doris and I have had our problems and issues along the way. She has made me spitting mad on several occasions. I have never been able to feel very close to her. But with all that said, I am very, very sad. No matter what the relationship has been, it is hard to watch someone lay there and die. I'm not used to experiencing the whole cycle of life. The woman who gave me life is now losing her life. How can that not affect me? Cheri my therapist and I talked extensively about this the other day and Cheri made me realize that the process of her death has softened my heart. I can't be angry at this woman. I am the result of her relationship with the love of her life. I think that's pretty great. How many people out there have missed out on being with the love of their life? She always has said that she sees him when she looks at me. I've seen pictures of him. I look just like him. We have the same blue eyes. She did what she felt she had to do. And I accept that and thank her for giving me life. And I just can't stand to be there as she loses hers. ♥
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Me 'n my Honda
Day 18
Very ugly Optifast day. I want some real food tonight. It's almost overwhelming to me. I am craving salad! Funny that it's harder today because this week overall was a little bit easier. And I really like that my clothes are already fitting better. Definite motivator. The best thing to do on days like this is to suck it up and hope that bedtime gets here real soon! Meanwhile...I will keep on keeping on.
Today seemed like a very, very long day. First off, I didn't get much sleep last night. The guys upstairs had a party which started at 9:30. By 11:30 it had gotten so loud that the windows were vibrating. However, I was not going to call the police this time. I should have but I didn't. By 2:30 this morning the noise had moved down the hall on top of the bedroom. When it wakes Luigi up you know it's LOUD because he usually sleeps through the chaos. All of a sudden one of the guys was screaming at the top of his lungs - he was out of control. F this. F that. Get the F out. Leave me the F alone. On and on and on. Luigi got dressed and went upstairs and knocked on their door. This caused a lot of girls to exit quickly. Luigi said the living room was still full of people. He told the guy who answered the door to get Dana (home owner) but Dana never came to the door. Then it was time to call the sheriff. The sheriff came and I guess because of the level of noise coming out of the house he decided to wait until his partner got here. In the end it was 4 sheriffs and 1 arrest. Funny how the click of those handcuffs can calm a person down. The yelling stopped. I'm not sure what was going on up there. They took the one guy away to jail. The rest of them stayed up all night (cleaning, perhaps?) but at least the yelling and music stopped. Next step is to file a complaint with the homeowner's association and management company. I have been tolerant and patient long enough. Last night they stepped over the line and I am pissed off!
One year ago today I lost my gentle soul...my kitty, Emily. Hardly a day goes by that I don't cry. I miss that girl so much. We spent almost 17 years together. She was the kindest and most gentle cat and I loved her so very much. Here's my precious kitty girl...
And amidst sadness there is always something good. I have a brand new car! I am so excited to finally have my own car again. I have really appreciated everyone who has helped me out over the past couple of years. It's been a real blessing to me. But now I'm on my own! And if anyone ever needs a ride...I will be there! I got an incredible deal at Pacific Honda in San Diego. I never in my life thought I would own a Honda. I know they are good cars but I have never had interest in owning one. However, I believe that God led me to get a Honda. And at 0.9% financing, who am I to argue?! Happy trails to me...♥
Very ugly Optifast day. I want some real food tonight. It's almost overwhelming to me. I am craving salad! Funny that it's harder today because this week overall was a little bit easier. And I really like that my clothes are already fitting better. Definite motivator. The best thing to do on days like this is to suck it up and hope that bedtime gets here real soon! Meanwhile...I will keep on keeping on.
Today seemed like a very, very long day. First off, I didn't get much sleep last night. The guys upstairs had a party which started at 9:30. By 11:30 it had gotten so loud that the windows were vibrating. However, I was not going to call the police this time. I should have but I didn't. By 2:30 this morning the noise had moved down the hall on top of the bedroom. When it wakes Luigi up you know it's LOUD because he usually sleeps through the chaos. All of a sudden one of the guys was screaming at the top of his lungs - he was out of control. F this. F that. Get the F out. Leave me the F alone. On and on and on. Luigi got dressed and went upstairs and knocked on their door. This caused a lot of girls to exit quickly. Luigi said the living room was still full of people. He told the guy who answered the door to get Dana (home owner) but Dana never came to the door. Then it was time to call the sheriff. The sheriff came and I guess because of the level of noise coming out of the house he decided to wait until his partner got here. In the end it was 4 sheriffs and 1 arrest. Funny how the click of those handcuffs can calm a person down. The yelling stopped. I'm not sure what was going on up there. They took the one guy away to jail. The rest of them stayed up all night (cleaning, perhaps?) but at least the yelling and music stopped. Next step is to file a complaint with the homeowner's association and management company. I have been tolerant and patient long enough. Last night they stepped over the line and I am pissed off!
One year ago today I lost my gentle soul...my kitty, Emily. Hardly a day goes by that I don't cry. I miss that girl so much. We spent almost 17 years together. She was the kindest and most gentle cat and I loved her so very much. Here's my precious kitty girl...
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| Emily Dumbeck-Guadagni April 23, 1993 - March 5, 2010 |
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| Me and my Honda Civic 03/05/11 |
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Day 15
Day 15
I'm on Week 3. Somehow. Put myself in a situation tonight that was very uncomfortable. I went to Vons. Big mistake. That store smells so darn good. I was in Stater Bros last week but that was no big deal. Our local Staters smells kind of gross. It's an old store with zero redeeming qualities. So I can go in there and feel pretty safe. Vons on the other hand...I forgot how inviting it is when you are hungry. You walk in and immediately smell the deli and then the bakery. And you smell it throughout the whole store. And for some reason, the food on the shelves looks particularly inviting. All of a sudden I realized I wanted one of everything. So I grabbed the non-food items that I needed and got the heck out as soon as I could. I can't see going back there for a long time. Luigi's store is the same way. Henry's always smells really yummy. Went to group last night and 2 people admitted cheating. As for me...
Weight Lost 5.2
Total 20.6
I'm on Week 3. Somehow. Put myself in a situation tonight that was very uncomfortable. I went to Vons. Big mistake. That store smells so darn good. I was in Stater Bros last week but that was no big deal. Our local Staters smells kind of gross. It's an old store with zero redeeming qualities. So I can go in there and feel pretty safe. Vons on the other hand...I forgot how inviting it is when you are hungry. You walk in and immediately smell the deli and then the bakery. And you smell it throughout the whole store. And for some reason, the food on the shelves looks particularly inviting. All of a sudden I realized I wanted one of everything. So I grabbed the non-food items that I needed and got the heck out as soon as I could. I can't see going back there for a long time. Luigi's store is the same way. Henry's always smells really yummy. Went to group last night and 2 people admitted cheating. As for me...
Weight Lost 5.2
Total 20.6
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